Here is a story that really touched my soul and would like to share. I found it at the bottom of this page.

The Secrets of Heaven and Hell

The old monk sat by the side of the road. With his eyes closed, his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap, he sat. In deep meditation, he sat.

Suddenly his zazen was interrupted by the harsh and demanding voice of a samurai warrior. "Old man! Teach me about heaven and hell!"

At first, as though he had not heard, there was no perceptible response from the monk. But gradually he began to open his eyes, the faintest hint of a smile playing around the corners of his mouth as the samurai stood there, waiting impatiently, growing more and more agitated with each passing second.

"You wish to know the secrets of heaven and hell?" replied the monk at last. "You who are so unkempt. You whose hands and feet are covered with dirt. You whose hair is uncombed, whose breath is foul, whose sword is all rusty and neglected. You who are ugly and whose mother dresses you funny. You would ask me of heaven and hell?"

The samurai uttered a vile curse. He drew his sword and raised it high above his head. His face turned to crimson and the veins on his neck stood out in bold relief as he prepared to sever the monk's head from its shoulders.

"That is hell," said the old monk gently, just as the sword began its descent.

In that fraction of a second, the samurai was overcome with amazement, awe, compassion and love for this gentle being who had dared to risk his very life to give him such a teaching. He stopped his sword in mid-flight and his eyes filled with grateful tears.

"And that," said the monk, "is heaven."

I found this today and thought I'd share...moonlight water garden.

North Star

"When people speak badly of you, you should respond in this way: Keep a steady heart and don't reply with harsh words. Practice letting go of resentment and accepting that the other's hostility is the spur to your understanding. Be kind, adopt a generous standpoint, treat your enemy as a friend, and suffuse all your world with affectionate thoughts, far-reaching and widespread, limitless and free from hate. In this state you should try to remain."

~ Dhammapada

When I read the Dhammapada and other Buddhist texts (esp. the precepts!), the words, concepts and ideas serve as my North Star. I don't expect to arrive at the end point elucidated therein, but they are what I aspire to, they are my guide.

"If we want to head north, we can use the North Star to guide us, but it is impossible to arrive at the North Star. Our effort is only to proceed in that direction."

~ Thich Nhat Hanh in his essay "Ahimsa: The Path of Harmlessness"

This past weekend was an opportunity to practice letting go of my designs on what I wanted to do, how I wanted to spend my time. My wife had foot surgery on Friday afternoon and was off her feet all weekend. That meant that I was the happy homemaker all weekend; cleaning, cooking, bath & shampoo for the little one, bringing my wife stuff when she asked, laundry, etc. I think the only thing I didn't do was go grocery shopping!!

It was hard at times. I had things that I wanted to do and felt like I wasn't going to get to do them. But you know, I just thought of it like I was sitting there on my cushion dealing with the thoughts of wanting to be doing something else. I just gently let that tension go and returned to being of service to my family. After the weekend was over and I was able to have a little time to myself, I felt a sense of peace and contentment about simply being of service to my family. I'm learning that living in the family context is a great opportunity to further my practice (both on and off the cushion).

Choices...

It is our choices, far more than our abilities, that make us who we are.

~ Anon.

May we all make wholesome, compassionate choices today.

Mind is like a snow globe.
Thoughts swirl like snowflakes.
How to make them still?
Stop shaking the globe.

Go here to read the rest: Thought Drifts on a Winter Day

Hey, I like this blog: The Urban Monk. Thanks to nicole for providing the link in her Dec 17th blog entry.

Though, I do wish I could post comments without having to sign up with LiveJournal... oh well...

The ballet recital was adorable. There's just something unbelievably cute about a bunch of 3 and 4 year old girls in pink ballet tights dancing around doing their plier's (plee-ay's) and pirouette's!!

Other than that there's not much to share lately these days... Just feeling a bit private and quiet right now I guess. Things are better between my wife and I. But, even though that seems more desirable than having things all falling apart, I'm a bit reserved about buying into the whole idea that we're going to make it together. I can honestly say I don't know if we can make it together. We seem to have changed into something that has us farther apart than ever before. I do love her, I always will... I just don't know if we can stay married.

A bit sleepy today from having to be at work at 7am so I can be out by 3:15 to attend my daughter's ballet recital. Looking forward to finally seeing her do her thing. She's been talking it up so much that I've really missed being able to experience it for myself, live and in person. This is her second six week class and I missed the recital last time.

So.... off to get another cup of java to keep the brain cells communicating at a speed needed to get my work done.

I don't know if I've shared this quote here before or not, but I want to share it today.

We can say that Buddhist practice has two aspects: to constantly seek Truth and to go into the human world.

If you want to be a pianist, devote yourself to studying and practicing the piano. This is the mind that seeks Truth. But though you may eventually reach a lofty stage as a musician, it is not good enough. You have to descend into the human world as well. Your life, your presence, your personality must touch people's hearts directly. This means you have to go beyond being a pianist.

It is relatively easy to teach people to be musicians, but it is not so easy to teach them how to go beyond being a musician. If you would teach this to others, your mind must be based on compassion. When you teach, you have to pierce the human heart and take away the flag of ego. So your compassion must extend beyond the words you use. Then your penetrating words will teach and not injure.

~ Dainin Katagiri Roshi

These words help me realize that sitting zazen is only part of my practice. The other part is how I conduct myself in the world. I do believe that sitting zazen helps me conduct myself in a more wholesome way. So I will aspire to sit daily to the best of my ability knowing it will help me conduct myself in an upright manner out there in my day to day world.

My daily zazen practice is finally coming back online, slowly but surely. It feels good. I found that I get a better nights sleep if I sit in the evenings. I've changed the height of my zafu so that my rear-end is closer to the floor when I sit in the seiza position. The increased stability of this new seat feels good. I find I can settle into a solid posture more quickly and not worry so much about whether I'm leaning forward or back too much. My legs are going to take some time getting used to this new position, there's a little more pain with this position because of my legs being stretched out closer to the floor more, but it's not a pain that will injure (I think).

I actually missed having the opportunity to sit this morning. On my wife's clinical days she has to be out the door at 6:15am and that doesn't allow for time to sit in the mornings as Amy and I need to get out the door by 7:15am to get her to school and me to work on time. Oh well, such is life with a 4 year old. Looking forward to this evening's sitting.

Peace everyone.

I like this, A LOT: "simplicity"

Today is Bohdi Day (Buddha's Enlightement Day) and a full moon (I just love the light of the full moon on the snowscape!!).

I was thinking of thoes practitioners who sit from midnight till 4am today in honor of the Buddha's enlightenment. I don't know if I could do that. I hope they take kinhin breaks!!

We have almost a foot of snow on the ground here. A lot of shoveling has me experiencing muscles that I haven't felt since last winter. The hard work felt good though.

Looking forward to sitting tonight. Peace to all.

Well, we have 4 inches of snow on the ground here in the Philly area. It's beautiful! It's the first snow of the season to stick and it just looks so cool on the trees and all. I'm home from work and just got in from shoveling. What a workout!! Felt good though. Now I'm bloggin' away with a mug of hot green tea with lemon and honey. Mmmmmmm....

Sat zazen again last evening and it was a more comfortable sitting than the day before. It felt good even though the back pain was still there as before. My body just felt more at ease as my breathing settled in.

Here's a quote from these Zen cards I bought in New Hope, PA a while back. I just love the New Hope scene. I was there with my brother spending so time talking about my troubles in my marriage and he wanted me to go with him to this gay bar so I could get a boost from being hit on. He's like, "You would _SO_ get hit on!" Thanks Paul, appreciate it! :)

Now to the Zen card entitled "Right Speech":

Say little.
But when you speak,
Utter GENTLE words
That touch the heart.
Be TRUTHFUL.
Express kindness.
Abstain from vanity.
This is the Way.

I really like how that is said. I really need to keep this in mind especially when interacting with my wife (my most challenging opportunity to practice right speech).

Resumed my sitting practice yesterday evening. It was challenging after being away from sitting for so long. My body has not been used to sitting still and wanted to get up right away. As it was, I only sat for about 10 minutes. Big deal, I'm just glad I did it. Now comes the most important part, continuing it on a daily basis. That's the only way it's really going to work. Consistent, daily practice. My intention is to get back into a daily practice, but if it doesn't happen this week, that's ok too. I'll just continue fitting in time with my breath during the day.

Here's an excellent synopsis of what Zen truely is. More specifically, Dogen Zen (or Soto Zen). I find this single piece to cover quite a bit of ground. It answers the question quite well in my opinion.

What is Zen? by Prof. Masunaga

Today I’m practicing not engaging in fantasy about my future wife. But this is difficult because despite my commitment to saving my marriage, my wife has made it clear that she really doesn’t think she can be happy with me. I’m starting to come to some acceptance of this fact. I’m not as twisted up in pain over this. It’s starting to sink in that I need to prepare to let go. I also need to let go of the idea of being married (or in a LTR) after the divorce. Time alone I think would be highly valuable. And it really wouldn’t be alone. There’s Amy, my family and friends, always. You know what I mean by alone. The thought is a little scary to think about after almost 10 years with my wife. But I suspect that’s fairly normal.

I’m really in a much better place today. A place of acceptance. A place of letting go. What’s that parable about letting something go and if it comes back to you it was meant to be and if it doesn’t come back to you it wasn’t meant to be? Or something like that. I can really go with that today and feel ok with it.

Hey, just wanted to share this well done Zen Center web site with my readers (and bookmark it for myself). They even have a couple of audio dharma talks online. This Soto Zen Center is in the tradition of Maezumi-Roshi.

Hazy Moon Zen Center of Los Angeles

This is something I REALLY needed to hear today. Thanks nicole!!

the ebb and flow of an indigo soul...: from DailyZen

Peace.

I'm feeling like crap today. Not physically but emotionally and spiritually. Feelin' pretty down. The holiday weekend was a mix of fun/joy and depressed sadness. My wife and I moved closer during these few days of being home together and even though it was nice, at the same time I wonder if it was our real true feelings or something else. Not sure.

I'm back at work this morning and feeling like I didn't have enough time to myself. I'm not really thrilled to be here right now. Oh well, I guess that's normal after a long holiday weekend off.

I feel like isolating, so that's why I’m forcing myself to write this entry. Sorry, no super words of wisdom or inspiration today folks. Just trying to be with these feelings without BECOMING them.